If you could change one thing...

Never Been Kissed was on this afternoon. Now, I love that movie, I can't lie. I've loved it since before I even thought about getting a degree in journalism. Actually, it's a pretty poor representation of journalists and journalism in general.

If you're unaware Drew Barrymore plays a copy editor that is just so awkward. I mean, really awkward. Like, she's 25 but she dresses like this, and corrects everyone's speech because... copy editor.

I know copy editors, they aren't all awkward, I promise.

She wants to be an investigative journalist so for her first real assignment as a reporter she is told to go undercover as a high school student to find out about the secret lives of teenagers. Her massive awkwardness lands her with the nerd clique once again (and in the math club called The Denominators - hilarious) then her brother makes her cool so she ditches the dorks and hangs with the Never Been Kissed equivalent of "the plastics."

One of them is Jessica Alba, so they're pretty much awful. 

More stuff happens but if you've never seen it, I don't want to ruin it for you... although it came out 1999, so if you haven't seen it I don't know what to do with you. The movie makes journalism seem like this big undercover operation with lapel pins that are cameras and a whole article just about this chick's life and how she's never been kissed and learned stuff after going back to high school and how she fell in love with some dude. If I know my editors, and I think I do, that would not fly. 

Sorry I got off topic because I have a BJ. Yeah, that's right, a Bachelor of Journalism.  

Did I mention I love this movie? I really do. But this is the important part, after watching it my mom decided to ask the intriguing question: If you could go back to high school and change one thing, what would it be? 

My dad is of the opinion that the question is dumb, considering we can't go back and change anything. I like it though.

What do you think? There are a few things I would have done differently and I even liked high school for the most part. I'm just curious, if you knew then what you know now, would you have changed anything?

Also, can this just be me?

In KC...

I got to Kansas City, did I mention that? Yea, the flight finally took off.

And everyone cheered when we finally landed.

I got into KC at the same time my parents were leaving the restaurant, figures. I don't have to relive the movie The Terminal or anything, although if I was as upbeat as Tom Hanks in that movie I would have handled my situation better.

Anyway, Happy Chinese New Year, a woman I interviewed said in the year of the wood horse the best thing to do would be to let go of anything that can't serve you emotionally, physically or mentally. I'm letting go of that experience (and doing some spring cleaning when I get home) but mostly I'm going to let go of this and move on to enjoy what time I do have in the tundra of Kansas and the warmth of my family.

恭贺新禧，祝身体健康、事业发达。

Hell is an airport

I’m pretty sure I know what hell is like, and it comes in the form of an airport.

And airport in Atlanta.

See? Hotlanta, like hell is hot… whatever.

It really is perfect though. Think about it:

greasy food, constant gate switches, confusion, lines that never end, unhelpful workers, they get your hopes up then dash them again, rude people, exhaustion that never seems to end and no escape. Ever.

 That was my day, is my day… I’m still here.

It started out so well. My mom and I wanted to surprise my dad for his 35^th work anniversary. The big boss of the company was flying in to take my dad and guests of his choice out for a nice dinner, wherever he wanted. When my mom asked him who he wanted to invite he said, me (except I live in Florida and they’re in Kansas City) and his parents (both are dead.) None of those seemed plausible. We knew it would be special for him if I showed up as a surprise, and he deserves it, so we planned the whole thing. I bought my tickets on HotWire, getting the cheapest I could, considering I don’t have that much expendable income, set up a place to stay until the dinner, it was perfect.

Then snowpocalypse (i.e. a regular snowy day anywhere else) happened.

That was two days ago, but yesterday they canceled my evening flight. I started to worry a little (read: a lot), but I got new flights for early this morning that would get me into Kansas City in plenty of time to get pretty and make it to the dinner.

My original flight for this morning was canceled right before I went to bed, I somehow miraculously checked it or I wouldn’t have known, and replaced with one an hour earlier, so I woke up at 5 a.m. to get to the plane on time. Everything was great, except they kept warning that some flights had already been canceled. But I was obsessively checking mine; it was fine, still “on time,” no big deal.

I landed in Atlanta. We’re still good, the other Kansas City flight scheduled for an hour after mine was canceled, I felt bad for those poor people, but at least it wasn’t me. I sat around, read, got some lunch, checked my flight again…. And there it was. Cancelled, in that red writing surrounded by other happy flights that still touted “on time.”

So, being someone that doesn’t handle the strain of giant plans changing well, I freaked out. I started crying, not going to lie, I wasn’t wailing or anything, but there were definitely giant tears rolling down my face. My lip was quivering, it was definitely a thing. I’m standing in line with these other people that have either just gotten to the airport with their bags neatly packed to see grandchildren or business people that think the whole thing is a circus and kind of funny (probably because it is a PR nightmare that has been handled terribly. I bet they were thinking, “Glad it’s not my company.”) There are people calling family and explaining they still aren’t coming home even though they spent the night in the airport, some of them were teary, so I felt a little better. My family and friends kept telling me to try to get a different airline, one that isn’t so… horrible? That’s a nice word. I’ll use horrible… or fucking awful, that’s a good one too. Some were telling me to be a bitch and stand up for myself, some said I should just try to fly home again.  

I got on the “help” phone with a representative; they had already rescheduled me to a flight the next morning, stupid considering I don’t have a place to stay in Atlanta. I asked her to put me on AirTran, they can’t do that, I explained that I need to get home by 6 p.m. (dinner time) and that I’ve been sitting in the airport for four or five hours already. Thank goodness she gave me a new flight for 4 p.m. Why I wasn’t originally put on that one, I’ll never know.

My mom told my dad about the surprise, since I was trapped in an airport, so much for that good deed (no good deed goes unpunished, for real.) He was grateful for the thought. It just isn’t the same, it could have been magical, that was all just completely ruined.

I picked a spot by the gate and tried to curl up in a way where my legs were over both my carry-ons, so someone couldn’t take them. Let me tell you, that’s not a comfortable way to sleep, nor is it restful considering you always think you’re going to wake up with a missing bag.

The gate changed once, then twice, then again, but I was going to make it to dinner at 6 p.m. I didn’t want to bitch too much, karma, you know.

Finally, it was time to board. I stress about everything and have anxiety about everything, so I kept thinking when they scanned my boarding pass it wasn’t going to work. Seriously, that kept going through my head.

It did work, but after the day I had already had, I wouldn’t have been surprised.

Boarding took forever, they hadn’t planned on so many rolling carry-ons and we had to wait for someone to come and check them to put below the plane. Poor planning, but again, I was sitting on the plane. Yay.

Not five minutes after sitting down we had to deplane. For real. I would not joke about this because first, it isn’t funny and second, I started crying again. You want to know why we couldn’t leave? Because we didn’t have a fucking pilot. I think those are pretty important personally, but what do I know, I don’t work for Delta. Oops, did I say the name of the airline?

Then we waited for another two or three hours for the pilot to come, and we had to switch terminals just to add insult to injury.

Are you sure you want me to share my thoughts?

So, here I am, still sitting, waiting to hopefully get to see my family. I wanted to congratulate my dad, and we are supposed to celebrate my birthday too (my quarter-life crisis is coming up… 25… that’s 25 if you’re confused.) But we’ll see. Maybe I got in a car accident on my way to the airport and this is really purgatory... or hell…. It could still be hell.  

2014

It has been almost a year since I last wrote, which is just too sad for words. Actually, it's just too sad, I'm going to write words about it right now.

Writing actually helped me through things a year ago when I was falling apart. Then things started to get better and I assume I didn't have time or something. Maybe I just was using my energies in a different way, I didn't have much to spare in the way of writing.

Anyway, I stopped, and I've missed it. A lot.

For weeks I've been thinking of what I could possibly write about. Nothing really came to mind, so this is my attempt to just start again. Hence, the rambly thing I have going.

But I've decided, as I did when things were rough, that maybe to get to my next goal in life I need to figure out where I am now, and ultimately where I want to be.

Also, I'm kind of a nerd, not going to lie, and maybe this is a way to release that pent up nerd-ergy instead of just wearing my R2-D2 socks and Star Trek shirt. I'm referring to writing fan fics, but like, I guess this could encompass whatever, too.

Sooooo, goals - life goals
(This is so weird, I feel like those people that plan to have three kids and have their names picked out and exactly what age they want to be when they have each.)

 1. I want to make an honest to God attempt at acting professionally. Not just, "Oh I auditioned for a couple things." But really going to cattle calls and a lot of different auditions no matter where.

2. I want to try my hand at writing more than just a blog, especially one that starts collecting dust after a few months. I want to try writing a script or a pilot, maybe I'll just start by writing some short stories.

3. I want to get free lance eventually making videos and taking photos for organizations. I would appreciate that work being artistic in some way like for a theatre, but if not, that's alright. I just want to start out doing it.

4. I have been so insanely lazy about working out and eating healthy. I need to start doing this again, for real. The goal will be to do a little yoga practice everyday with other work outs combined, while actually paying attention to what I'm putting in my body. Like for real, I really want abs. Even when I played varsity soccer I didn't want abs, but for some reason I do right now so, this is going to take eating perfectly and varying my work outs.

5. I need to find some way to stop thinking about dying all the time. It is a contant worry of mine and contributes to an anxiety I have about things that stresses me out more than anything should. I should either go talk to someone about this, or at least find something that minimizes my worry. We'll see.

I'm sure I'll think of more eventually, but for now that seems sufficiently terrifying.