The perfect date or mate

You know, in beauty pageants when they say, "Describe your perfect date?" Usually, if we aren't talking about the answer from Miss Congeniality, the person describes the activities they would do on their perfect date. 

Here's that clip from Miss Congeniality for your amusement. 

I feel like part of the perfect date depends on the person you're with too though. You know, if the guy doesn't like the beach, you probably aren't going to have a good time walking barefoot on the beach discussing books and movies because he'll be complaining about shells or how scared he is of sharks or something. 

Every girl has talked about her idea of the perfect guy. This usually occurs at sleep overs, or in your sorority in college or over your lunch break from work, or any time ever, basically. I have no idea when men might talk about these things or if they do at all. Perhaps it's one of those topics that comes up when guys get too drunk to care about showing emotions right before they start to punch through walls. You don't know guys that do that? Well, your loss. 

I inadvertently gathered information on many of my friends' perfect guys/girls. I didn't mean to obtain all of this knowledge it's just one of those things that happened and then I was so interested I just started asking more friends. 

I came to the conclusion that everyone is insane. 

Exhibit A:

Let's start with one of my dude friends. He has A LOT of strict things his lady must have. His words, not mine. It's actually hilarious when you think about it when people say their ideal mate has specific physical aspects, such as big boobs or curly hair, because....what? Sure, certain physical aspects are more attractive to us than others but what are the odds, really? So, I'm overlooking those. But apparently his dream girl can't be much smarter than him, can't cook much better than him, must like whisky, must like/enjoy his music and must like football/all sports. 

So, there's that. The cooking part cracks me up because I don't know many guys that can cook or many that wouldn't want a girl to cook better than them. But I also don't know a girl that would be upset if her man was a good cook. 

In his defense, he is in no hurry to find someone, which I admire. We're all rushing around trying to find people so we don't end up alone, which is just a silly way to go through life. I say that now when I worry all the time about ending up alone. 

Exhibit B: 

One of my girl friends said seeking the "perfect" mate is just a recipe for disaster (agreed.) But overall she wants someone who understands her, that makes her think and challenges her to grow as a person. The growing as a person thing was a common theme among the friends I asked.

I suppose that's one of those responsible things you realize you need after a few failed relationships. 

Exhibit C:
Another guy said: honest, accepts him for who he is, caring, funny....attractive. I know I said you shouldn't pick out what the person looks like, but if you are in no way attracted to someone it is NEVER going to work. NEVER. So, if someone says they are looking for someone that's attractive, that's OK and duh. To finish off he said kind of nerdy and likes to do physical activities. 

Exhibit D: 
I guess mostly just my guy friends answered me because this is another guy. Most of my girl friends are  engaged, married or in relationships and I didn't want to ask them because like, hello, they're with someone and that could get awkward. So this dude says he wants a mate he can grow with. Him and a partner may not see eye to eye but they'd respect their differences and bring the best out of each other.

Exhibit E: 
Lastly, another bud of mine says he just wants someone to laugh with.

But when you asked me the question of "describe my perfect woman" honestly I could only see one thing. Someone who I can roll around laughing with who has a smile that melts my heart and though I can't stop looking at it, I also can't stop myself from kissing those beautiful lips.

Again, his words not mine. But, awwwww, how adorable is that!? Ladies, if you're looking for someone, apparently I know a lot of single guys, and that's the cutest description ever. Not that I'm trying to pimp them out or anything, just, you know, trying to be helpful.

Exhibit F: 
[Caution: Not suitable for anyone under the age of 13... or 16 or something] Another guy sent me this picture when I asked him what his perfect woman would be like. I mean, he was joking, probably. I think. I just know guys are going to look at that picture and think "YES, why have I not seen that before!?"

One friend wants a jacked guy that's really normal, one girl wants someone really smart to intellectually challenge her, at times I want a cowboy that can treat me as well as country songs say the guys treat their belles. Once, my friend told me she likes normal, buff guys and I like skinny, weird guys.

I guess this was my own version of a psychological survey. All I've ever heard is that when you look for someone, you'll never find them, it kind of just happens. 

I do vividly remember a friend in Alabama kind of casting off a bunch of fellas before giving them a chance for a myriad of reasons, too young, too old, their job sucked, they liked country music blah blah blah. See that is something that's not cool. 

I HATED country music before I dated one of my exes. I thought it was a bunch of people singing about losing their truck, dog, wife and mobile home. Now, I love it. It just grew on me. It's just giving people a chance. Just to cover my bases, I'm not saying give every lad or lassie a chance. They totally could be CraigsList killers. 

Really, I just wanted to show that everyone has their ideas and preferences, some are better directed than others. But, coming from a girl that has been told a few times she's never going to get married, I feel a camaraderie in this brotherhood of men (and women) that are kind of floating through life trying to figure out what's going on. 

Did I tell you a guy I went to interview for work said something along the lines of this: "...so they're coming down here and trying to find a boyfriend and all those others things they've got to do to function as a human being and find fulfillment in life."

I'm not sure how he meant it, but it sure felt like he was telling me I need a man to function in society. So, thank you all for making me feel like I don't NEED that, it's just nice to know we're a benevolent brotherhood in the same slightly leaky boat. 

Honestly, someone please just send me the guy who plays Q in Skyfall... who is a skinny, possibly weird, guy. 

The best advice I’ve been given recently

People give advice all the time. In our minds, it’s just us trying to be helpful. We’re making sure that person doesn’t make the same mistake we’ve made. We just don’t want them to get hurt, we’re trying to make them feel better, blah blah blah the list goes on. Either way, we really want to tell people what they should do. 

If you’re like me, you really don’t want to ever make decisions (they could be wrong!) so I am constantly asking people whether I should go to events, what I should order, if I should workout etc. It’s very annoying. I just want people to take the choices away from me. That’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever read, right? That might be the stupidest thing I’ve ever typed, but I didn’t realize how silly wanting to give up my free will was until right this second. 

Still, I am still going to share the best advice I’ve been given recently, because maybe it will benefit you like it did me. Maybe. Maybe not. Whatever, at least I’m putting it out there, just in case. 

An old friend came in town recently to see our mighty alma mater play football in my current home-state (we lost if you were wondering.) We’ve known each other since middle school and somehow managed to go to the same college. We ended up having some of the same circle of friends, and I hadn’t seen him in a a year and a half, I think. He’s one of those people that isn’t afraid to tell me straight up if I’m an idiot and to get my shit together. 

So, after I tell him how I’ve been struggling since moving to Florida, mostly socially, he tells me what I’m about to tell you. 

Don’t let one issue in your life motivate all the rest of your decisions and actions. I was totally focused on one thing that was wrong and everything I did revolved around that. All of my actions were wondering how I could fix my “problem” or what I could do to correct it. I wasn’t even sure if there was a problem. 

See, it’s all very confusing. But the point is, the only thing that should motivate our decisions and actions is to find happiness and to better ourselves. Does that sound selfish? It isn’t, we help others because that brings us happiness and it improves our outlook on life. 

Example:

Once in college I had to be in a couple psych studies (it was for a class, OK?) One of them was one where they make you take this multiple choice test. Then after you’re done this guy comes over to take it from you. My guy knocked over this container of writing utensils when he was giving me my parting instructions, so I helped him pick them up, and he told me when I got back to my room, I was supposed to log onto this website he gave me and there would be more multiple choice questions, and then the study would be over. I walk home, get on the computer, fill out the questions and after I submit them the next page that comes up explains the whole experiment. Apparently, the study was to see the affect of helping others on your mood. The whole clumsiness thing was a ploy so I’d help the guy. In the other test group people were given something, then they were told to fill out the rest of the survey at home. The people that helped others were more upbeat than the ones that were given something for no reason. 

That was a really long explanation of why helping others makes you feel better, but at least it was a scientific explanation...kind of. What I’m saying is, what makes you happy is often what makes others happy, so it’s kind of a win-win for everyone. 

End of advice. 

PS. I try not to give advice because I had this dream once that my friend shot me because I gave him bad advice. So when I do give advice, I usually REALLY believe in it.