I knew this was
going to happen, but it doesn’t make it any better. I knew the losers of the
election would write terrible, hate-filled posts and the winners would
celebrate how much better life is going to be all over social media. It wouldn’t matter who won or lost,
this was going to happen either way.
If all the political sludge upsets you today, whether you won or lost,
I’m going to write a list of things that are positive. Also, for the record, if
you are still upset today, I assume you didn’t make the cookie recipe I suggested
yesterday. You should have, I’m just saying.
1. The world hasn’t been destroyed by an enormous asteroid. I’m pretty jazzed that last night while I slept I didn’t go the way of the dinosaur.
2. A nuclear war didn’t erupt wiping out most of our major cities and polluting our food supply. Because I don’t have arms growing from my shoulder blades from radiation, I’m in an upbeat mood.
3. Anarchy hasn’t consumed towns and cities in our great nation. I haven’t seen any evidence personally of looting and graffiti in places where looting and graffiti don’t already happen. Because I haven’t seen a single Molotov cocktail today, I am a happy camper.
4. Aliens have decided that today is not the day they are going to take over our planet. When that day comes, I assume it will be a lot like the movie Mars Attacks! That isn’t the case today, which is something to rejoice about.
5. I still have all my fingers and toes and the ability to move my limbs. I could have woken up at the hands of some crazy serial killer, psychopath a la Saw or Hostile. You didn’t wake up limb-less either. See? That’s a good thing.
6. Did you know there’s a caldera in Yellow Stone National Park? That’s like a massive super volcano-type thing for those of you that didn’t have to take a whole class in college about Yellow Stone (true story.) It’s just hanging out there below the surface, until it just gets so bored that it’s going to be like, “Well, guess it’s about time to wipe out this continent, that’ll be exciting.” And then we are all going to suffocate, probably. That didn’t happen, so yay!
7. Is the zombie apocalypse upon us? I haven’t seen the undead wandering around today. I know I haven’t seen anyone eating another person’s face. That’s a win on the life scoreboard I feel like.
8. Was the ability to voice your hateful or joyous opinion stripped away? It wasn’t? You’re allowed to post pictures of crying bald eagles, unflattering gifs, unintelligent rants about the amendments that were passed or not and insensitive comments about the losers or winners of the race. There we go. You are doing better than some people in nations across the world.
1. The world hasn’t been destroyed by an enormous asteroid. I’m pretty jazzed that last night while I slept I didn’t go the way of the dinosaur.
2. A nuclear war didn’t erupt wiping out most of our major cities and polluting our food supply. Because I don’t have arms growing from my shoulder blades from radiation, I’m in an upbeat mood.
3. Anarchy hasn’t consumed towns and cities in our great nation. I haven’t seen any evidence personally of looting and graffiti in places where looting and graffiti don’t already happen. Because I haven’t seen a single Molotov cocktail today, I am a happy camper.
4. Aliens have decided that today is not the day they are going to take over our planet. When that day comes, I assume it will be a lot like the movie Mars Attacks! That isn’t the case today, which is something to rejoice about.
5. I still have all my fingers and toes and the ability to move my limbs. I could have woken up at the hands of some crazy serial killer, psychopath a la Saw or Hostile. You didn’t wake up limb-less either. See? That’s a good thing.
6. Did you know there’s a caldera in Yellow Stone National Park? That’s like a massive super volcano-type thing for those of you that didn’t have to take a whole class in college about Yellow Stone (true story.) It’s just hanging out there below the surface, until it just gets so bored that it’s going to be like, “Well, guess it’s about time to wipe out this continent, that’ll be exciting.” And then we are all going to suffocate, probably. That didn’t happen, so yay!
7. Is the zombie apocalypse upon us? I haven’t seen the undead wandering around today. I know I haven’t seen anyone eating another person’s face. That’s a win on the life scoreboard I feel like.
8. Was the ability to voice your hateful or joyous opinion stripped away? It wasn’t? You’re allowed to post pictures of crying bald eagles, unflattering gifs, unintelligent rants about the amendments that were passed or not and insensitive comments about the losers or winners of the race. There we go. You are doing better than some people in nations across the world.
Does that make you feel better? If it doesn’t, reevaluate
your life and get back to me. I’m telling you though, those cookies are miracle
workers.
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| MAKE THESE! What are you waiting for? If you don't like them ... you're un-American, there I said it. |
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