The Post-Election Blues

I knew this was going to happen, but it doesn’t make it any better. I knew the losers of the election would write terrible, hate-filled posts and the winners would celebrate how much better life is going to be all over social media.  It wouldn’t matter who won or lost, this was going to happen either way.

If all the political sludge upsets you today, whether you won or lost, I’m going to write a list of things that are positive. Also, for the record, if you are still upset today, I assume you didn’t make the cookie recipe I suggested yesterday. You should have, I’m just saying.

1.     The world hasn’t been destroyed by an enormous asteroid. I’m pretty jazzed that last night while I slept I didn’t go the way of the dinosaur.

2.     A nuclear war didn’t erupt wiping out most of our major cities and polluting our food supply. Because I don’t have arms growing from my shoulder blades from radiation, I’m in an upbeat mood.

3.     Anarchy hasn’t consumed towns and cities in our great nation. I haven’t seen any evidence personally of looting and graffiti in places where looting and graffiti don’t already happen. Because I haven’t seen a single Molotov cocktail today, I am a happy camper.

4.     Aliens have decided that today is not the day they are going to take over our planet. When that day comes, I assume it will be a lot like the movie Mars Attacks! That isn’t the case today, which is something to rejoice about.

5.     I still have all my fingers and toes and the ability to move my limbs. I could have woken up at the hands of some crazy serial killer, psychopath a la Saw or Hostile. You didn’t wake up limb-less either. See? That’s a good thing. 

6.     Did you know there’s a caldera in Yellow Stone National Park? That’s like a massive super volcano-type thing for those of you that didn’t have to take a whole class in college about Yellow Stone (true story.) It’s just hanging out there below the surface, until it just gets so bored that it’s going to be like, “Well, guess it’s about time to wipe out this continent, that’ll be exciting.” And then we are all going to suffocate, probably. That didn’t happen, so yay!

7.     Is the zombie apocalypse upon us? I haven’t seen the undead wandering around today. I know I haven’t seen anyone eating another person’s face. That’s a win on the life scoreboard I feel like.

8.     Was the ability to voice your hateful or joyous opinion stripped away? It wasn’t? You’re allowed to post pictures of crying bald eagles, unflattering gifs, unintelligent rants about the amendments that were passed or not and insensitive comments about the losers or winners of the race. There we go. You are doing better than some people in nations across the world.

Does that make you feel better? If it doesn’t, reevaluate your life and get back to me. I’m telling you though, those cookies are miracle workers. 

MAKE THESE! What are you waiting for? If you don't like them ... you're un-American, there I said it.

Election Day

I decided with a coworker today that if cookies were given away after you vote more people would be inclined to go. Granted, people seem to be pretty pumped about the stickers as well, but hello, cookies are always appreciated. You get a bunch of food after you donate blood, that’s so you don’t pass out, but it’s pretty awesome anyway.

I made Michelle Obama’s cookie recipe from Family Circle that was competing against Ann Romney’s cookie recipe to bring into work today. Michelle's recipe sounded AMAZING. And guess what, it was amazing. It may possibly be my favorite cookie recipe ever. There are mints in it. So, say hello to the cookies I’m probably going to be making for Christmas-type events.

I did embellish on the recipe a bit. I drizzled left over white chocolate on top and put red, white and blue sprinkles on there just so everyone would be aware they were freedom cookies. I was a little worried people would miss out on the joy that is the democratic process if they weren’t blatantly American.

My friend told me, “They are cookies. How much more patriotic can you get than butter-infused carb disks?” Touché.

If you are totally going to explode when the results are announced or if you are currently in the process of booking a ticket to Canada, I guarantee these will calm you down in a way Valium never could. 

I set this little display up. Let me tell you, it put everyone in the office in a better mood about the election.

Mama Kaye's White and Dark Chocolate Chip Cookies

Ingredients

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened

1 stick Crisco butter-flavored solid vegetable shortening <--I didn't use butter flavored, I just used regular 

3/4 cup granulated sugar

3/4 cup packed brown sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

2 eggs

1 cup each white chocolate chips, milk chocolate chips and mint chocolate chips (or Andes mint pieces)

2 cups chopped walnuts <-- I didn't use these

Directions

1. Heat oven to 375 degrees F. In a small bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda and salt. In a large bowl with an electric mixer, cream butter, vegetable shortening, granulated sugar, brown sugar and vanilla extract.

2. Add eggs, 1 at a time, beating well after each addition. On low speed, beat in flour mixture. By hand, stir in white and milk chocolate chips, mint chips and walnuts.

3. Drop rounded tablespoons of dough onto ungreased baking sheets. Bake at 375 degrees F for 10 to 12 minutes or until golden brown. Cool on baking sheets for 5 minutes; remove to wire racks to cool completely.

Notice how I’m not talking about whom I’m voting for. Do you know why? It’s because no one cares who I’m voting for. They only care because they want me to be voting for the same person. I’d rather not know who you voted for, in case you were wondering. 

Enjoy the cookies though, it's going to be a long night. Also, if your candidate doesn't win, don't berate the entire U.S. because you think they obviously voted wrong. I'm just telling you, you won't make any friends, and people will probably just plot to destroy you. Fair warning, one might be me.