2014

It has been almost a year since I last wrote, which is just too sad for words. Actually, it's just too sad, I'm going to write words about it right now.

Writing actually helped me through things a year ago when I was falling apart. Then things started to get better and I assume I didn't have time or something. Maybe I just was using my energies in a different way, I didn't have much to spare in the way of writing.

Anyway, I stopped, and I've missed it. A lot.

For weeks I've been thinking of what I could possibly write about. Nothing really came to mind, so this is my attempt to just start again. Hence, the rambly thing I have going.

But I've decided, as I did when things were rough, that maybe to get to my next goal in life I need to figure out where I am now, and ultimately where I want to be.

Also, I'm kind of a nerd, not going to lie, and maybe this is a way to release that pent up nerd-ergy instead of just wearing my R2-D2 socks and Star Trek shirt. I'm referring to writing fan fics, but like, I guess this could encompass whatever, too.

Sooooo, goals - life goals
(This is so weird, I feel like those people that plan to have three kids and have their names picked out and exactly what age they want to be when they have each.)

 1. I want to make an honest to God attempt at acting professionally. Not just, "Oh I auditioned for a couple things." But really going to cattle calls and a lot of different auditions no matter where.

2. I want to try my hand at writing more than just a blog, especially one that starts collecting dust after a few months. I want to try writing a script or a pilot, maybe I'll just start by writing some short stories.

3. I want to get free lance eventually making videos and taking photos for organizations. I would appreciate that work being artistic in some way like for a theatre, but if not, that's alright. I just want to start out doing it.

4. I have been so insanely lazy about working out and eating healthy. I need to start doing this again, for real. The goal will be to do a little yoga practice everyday with other work outs combined, while actually paying attention to what I'm putting in my body. Like for real, I really want abs. Even when I played varsity soccer I didn't want abs, but for some reason I do right now so, this is going to take eating perfectly and varying my work outs.

5. I need to find some way to stop thinking about dying all the time. It is a contant worry of mine and contributes to an anxiety I have about things that stresses me out more than anything should. I should either go talk to someone about this, or at least find something that minimizes my worry. We'll see.

I'm sure I'll think of more eventually, but for now that seems sufficiently terrifying.

So, this is the New Year...

In the words of one of my fav bands (Death Cab for Cutie) - "So, this is the new year, and I don't feel any different."

That's not EXACTLY true, but it definitely isn't because the Earth had a birthday or whatever. Remember when I had this blog and I was good at keeping it up and stuff and junk? Well, the holidays put a damper on my creativity and totally wore me out. Excuses, excuses I could have made time or like, wrote a little instead of watching the Big Bang Theory and Family Guy every night before going to bed. I could have done less indulging (read: drinking) when I went back to my own personal winter wonderland in Kansas. I could have refrained from watching EVERY Christmas movie I could get my hands on (that includes The Santa Claus 2... really) with my parents. But I didn't, and here we are in 2013.

Pretty sure the world isn't scheduled to end this year, so that's a cool thing. I say that now and in a few months a crazy zealot will be all over the place talking about something weird that'll wipe us all like an acid rain tornado storm. Which now that I put scary environmental things together like that willy-nilly is actually a pretty terrifying mental image. M. Night Shyamalan should totally make a movie about that. Or Michael Bay because I imagine there would be a lot of explosions involved.

I didn't make any resolutions except for to keep on with my goal of trying to make myself happy instead of worrying about what everyone else thinks. I mean, there's that goal (that everyone should have) of not doing the same stupid shit this year that we did last year.  That one is actually a lot harder than it sounds because I'm pretty sure I've already messed it up, BUT I still have 357 days to keep trying. Or failing. Potato potato... which doesn't actually make sense in print. Potato po-tah-to then, for those of you confused about my phonetic rambling.

I do feel the slightest bit different on this side of the holidays, I'm trying to think about everything being bright and shiny because, well, I hear it's better that way. I've had people tell me that good things come their way because they think good things will come their way. That kind of thinking isn't even related to karma it's just their frame of mind. They want/think they deserve good things and they get them. Simple as that. It couldn't hurt to put on the rose colored glasses for a bit, drink the Kool-Aid and all that (wait). Although the color of 2013 is emerald (see, I'm not making that up) and when mixed with rose I think that would make some sort of breen color (yea, breen, like brown/green.... think I got that from Rocko's Modern Life...) I have a good feeling kinda'.

Do you ever do that thing where you just sit and wonder where you'll be this time next year? Not like imagining where you want to be, but actually wondering what job you'll have, who you'll still be in touch with, if you'll be dating someone, single, living in the same place or if you'll be drastically different. I wonder that all the time. This time last year I was still living in Alabama and it never crossed my mind that I'd be living in Florida in a year. I never thought I'd be working for a print publication, especially not one that focuses on business (remember how I'm bad at numbers...yea.) But here I am. And if I've learned anything, even one night can change everything. One misunderstanding on Halloween can halt a friendship for months, one chance meeting at a bar can lead to taking someone home for Christmas.

Think about it.

Weird, right?